Banning Boycotts, Shooter Searches, and Pantie Scrunchies, it’s 9/11 NEWS (2025-09-11)
- Broadcast Date: 2025-09-11
- YouTube Archive: Banning Boycotts, Shooter Searches, and Pantie Scrunchies, it’s 9/11 NEWS (ID:
tRl0VQfW80k) - Approx length: 2:26:27
- Ingest run:
tools/runs/tRl0VQfW80k/
Overview
Case Blackwell anchors a 9/11 broadcast covering the Charlie Kirk assassination, Trump’s controversial video response, and a House bill targeting BDS boycotts of Israel. Jeb Nogget delivers a chaotic How To segment on cyber sex acronyms and stray cat bonding. Conspiracy correspondent Clementine Verne insists grass-eating is the supreme hidden truth. Munch and Crum debate grocery store versus supermarket terminology while Crum’s infernal penile condition and the delayed Wall rescue mission loom. Rick hosts chat-submitted news including Beast Boy’s firing, Charlie Sheen’s ice cube anecdote, inflatable plane airbags, and $15,000 sex dolls. Trip Bradstein interviews park denizens including a crack-smoking Hamtaro convert and a sea turtle egg salesman. DJ Newsic closes with a sensual auto-tuned ballad about college football players’ intimate embrace.
Segment rundown
| Start | End | Segment | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| 00:04 | 51:03 | News: 9/11 Broadcast: Charlie Kirk Assassination, Trump Response, Anti-BDS Bill | Case Blackwell anchors breaking coverage of Charlie Kirk shooting at Utah Valley University, FBI suspect photos, Trump’s video statement blaming radical left, and House passage of Boebert bill banning federal contracts for companies boycotting Israel. |
| 51:03 | 1:04:31 | How To with Jeb: How To Have Cyber Sex, Be Safe, and Bond With Stray Cats | Jeb Nogget presents three instructional videos: cyber sex acronyms (TDTM, GYPO, NIFOC, ICQ), a fire safety cartoon with Carmen and Billy, and three steps to befriend stray cats (get low, bring treats, let them sniff). Jeb’s Dad interjects from the wooden board. |
| 1:04:31 | 1:13:14 | The Jo Rogen Experience: Clementine Verne on the Grass Conspiracy | Conspiracy correspondent Clementine Verne (Guy Redacted) insists the greatest hidden truth is that humans should eat grass like cows, citing ancient cave paintings of monkeys with lawnmowers and grass bread made with hammers. Case cuts the segment short after grass dominates the runtime. |
| 1:13:14 | 1:26:52 | Munch & Crum: Grocery Store vs Supermarket Debate | Crum argues ‘grocery store’ is the honest term; Munch defends ‘supermarket’ as aspirational. Debate devolves into personal attacks: Crum’s Miller Light sponsorship, Munch’s hellish Slurpees (30% glass dust), Crum’s penile ring-shape from the gorilla punch, and the delayed Wall rescue mission. |
| 1:26:52 | 1:56:55 | Amongst the Web: Chat News: Beast Boy Firing, Charlie Sheen Ice Cube, Paraglider vs Balloon, Inflatable Plane Airbags, Panty Scrunchies, $15K Sex Dolls, Taylor Swift Engagement | Rick hosts viewer-submitted stories: Greg Cypes claims Warner Bros fired him over Parkinson’s; Charlie Sheen shoved ice cube up butt to wake up; paraglider survives mylar balloon entanglement; engineers propose external airbags for planes; Japanese brand sells $119 panty ribbon bows; sex doll pricing game reveals $15K model; Kendall owes Big J Dub a sub on Taylor Swift engagement bet. |
| 1:56:55 | 2:16:15 | Trip on the Street: Park Interviews: ICQ Proposition, Gerald Gardena, Fake Regi, Hamtaro Crack Seeker, Levitating Makeup Face, Sea Turtle Egg Manes, Pirate Ghost, Bidet Sponsorship, Pee Joke | Trip Bradstein fields park visitors: a fan asking to hold it while he pees; Gerald Gardena seeking bush asylum and offering oral sex; a Nintendo Direct-obsessed fake Regi; Hamtaro cultist requesting $5 for crack; man with 2D floating infection makeup; sea turtle egg mane salesman; Jack Sparrow ghost reminiscing about Zune and Pirates movies; bidet sponsorship confusion; and a punchline about holding a nice body against pee. |
| 2:16:15 | 2:26:27 | DJ Newsic: Sensual Ballad: South Florida Football Players’ Embrace Not Gay | DJ Newsic auto-tunes a romantic ode to punter Chase Lyanna and holder Nico Grammatica’s post-game lip touch, celebrating ‘football sexuals’ and interviewing a gay football who loves to nut and be hiked. Ends with raid shoutouts to Bruce Green and Riri. |
Characters
- Case Blackwell (speaking) — Anchored 9/11 broadcast covering Charlie Kirk assassination, Trump video analysis, and anti-BDS bill; moderated Munch & Crum debate and transitioned between segments.
- Pepito (speaking) — executive producer. Delivered cold open sign-on as ‘Papito the dog that produces the show.’
- DERF (speaking) — guest host. Appeared as irregular host ‘DERF’ (Garf’s brother) to discuss Charlie Kirk shooting details and Trump video authenticity.
- Jeb Nogget (speaking) — instructional host. Presented How To segment on cyber sex acronyms, fire safety, and stray cat bonding while bickering with Jeb’s Dad.
- Jeb’s Dad (speaking) — co-host (deceased). Trapped in wooden board, heckled Jeb throughout How To segment about identity and safety.
- Clementine Verne (speaking) — conspiracy correspondent. Insisted grass-eating is the supreme conspiracy, citing monkey lawnmower cave paintings and grass bread; lives in fields grazing with animals.
- Crum (speaking) — debate analyst. Argued for ‘grocery store’ terminology; revealed penis is ring-shaped after gorilla punch; touted Miller Light sponsorship; demanded Wall rescue next Friday.
- Munch (speaking) — debate analyst. Defended ‘supermarket’ as aspirational; described hell’s 30% glass dust Slurpees and K-pop Demon Hunters season 4; mocked Crum’s body condition.
- Peter Gibbon (speaking) — news stowaway. Referenced as crawlspace inhabitant delaying Wall stream; Munch claims he scraped Crum’s body off floor.
- Rick (speaking) — Amongst the Web host. Hosted chat-submitted news segment covering Beast Boy firing, Charlie Sheen, paraglider, inflatable planes, panty scrunchies, sex dolls, and Taylor Swift engagement.
- Trip Bradstein (speaking) — field correspondent. Conducted park interviews from bush location; now has bidet installed; fielded propositions, cultists, and a sea turtle egg salesman.
- DJ Newsic (speaking) — musical finale host. Closed broadcast with auto-tuned sensual ballad about college football players’ intimate embrace and a gay football character; lasers attached to voice.
- Kendelle (speaking) — in-studio contributor. Briefly appeared during Rick’s segment; subject of Taylor Swift engagement bet with Big J Dub from three years ago.
- Liliana (speaking) — desk partner. Mentioned by Case as potential honey trap for Travis Kelce to break up Taylor Swift engagement.
- Hype Train (speaking) — hype announcer. Referenced by Case regarding opinions on ‘how your piss is working.‘
Storyline updates
- Crum Dick Punch [1:21:52]: [1:21:52] Crum confirms penis is ‘in a ring-like shape now because it got blown straight through like a fucking penny sock’ from the mechanical gorilla punch; Munch references ‘penile enhancement pills in hell’ and ‘fad-dongs.’
- Join the Wall [1:13:39]: [1:13:39] Case states Wall stream delayed by red tape until next Friday; [1:25:00] Crum accuses Munch of delaying Wall stream; [1:26:52] Case confirms Wall rescue scheduled for next Friday.
Lore notes
- [1:21:52] Crum: Crum’s penis is ring-shaped after gorilla punch, described as ‘blown straight through like a fucking penny sock.’
- [1:22:12] Crum: Crum demands Munch ‘get my penis back’ from hell.
- [1:23:17] Munch: Munch claims hell has Miller Light sponsorship ($20K) and Slurpees with 30% glass dust.
- [1:24:18] Hell has K-pop Demon Hunters at season 4 already.
- [1:26:52] Wall rescue mission delayed to next Friday due to approvals.
- [1:10:06] Clementine Verne now lives in fields grazing with animals as intended.
- [1:50:57] Kendall allegedly bet Big J Dub a sub three years ago on Taylor Swift engagement.
- [2:13:17] Trip Bradstein: Trip Bradstein has installed a bidet in his bush (‘cleanest bush in the park’).
- [2:17:24] DJ Newsic’s lasers are currently attached to his voice.
Transcript
Full timestamped transcript: