The 2023 Barely Awards (2023-12-31)
- Broadcast Date: 2023-12-31
- YouTube Archive: The 2023 Barely Awards (ID:
1u_LMzdmpe0) - Approx length: 3:43:47
- Ingest run:
tools/runs/1u_LMzdmpe0/
Overview
Barely Informed News rings in the new year with the 2023 Barely Awards, a three-hour gala at the Duncan Dozenuts Financial Arena. Ralph Munchcut seizes hosting duties to roast Leonard Crum and preside over categories including Best Metaverse (Juicy Verse), Best Trailer (Battletruck/Sanic tie), and Best Guest (Kendelle). Trip Bradstein works the red carpet while a parody Joe Rogan reflects on a year of shaved-ice diets and wire-entangled producers. The night culminates in a contested Best Host tournament won by Case Blackwell, a surprise Lifetime Achievement Award for Pepito featuring a voice memo from Fiona, and a chaotic freestyle finale from Goblin Pisa Hut before a raid on Jim Tasty.
Segment rundown
| Start | End | Segment | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| 15:23 | 27:29 | News: Red Carpet Pre-Show & Best Metaverse/VR News Award | Case Blackwell hosts the red carpet outside the Duncan Dozenuts Financial Arena; chat nominates and votes for Best Metaverse/VR News (Juicy Verse wins, accepted by Candy Corn). |
| 27:29 | 41:00 | Munch & Crum: Munch Hosts Main Award Show — Best Trailer of the Year | Ralph Munchcut takes over hosting duties inside the arena; Best Trailer award ends in a tie between Battletruck and the original Sonic trailer (accepted by a static image of Knuckles). |
| 41:00 | 47:34 | Trip on the Street: Trip Bradstein Red Carpet Interviews | Trip Bradstein interviews a parade of eccentric red-carpet attendees including Cosmic Cat, Rob Elvie, Conway Trippie, Guy Lombardo, Generic Anime Guy, and Bill Flinton. |
| 47:34 | 1:06:24 | News: Case Returns — Best Guest & Best Interview Awards | Case Blackwell resumes hosting; Best Guest on BIN goes to Kendall (tie with bookshelf); Best Street Interview goes to the Molester Bros (accepted by their uncle). |
| 1:06:24 | 1:57:17 | Munch & Crum: Munch Returns — Best G4TV Employee & Best Kendall Moment | Munch hosts Best G4TV Employee (Drunkletad wins, accepted by his manager); Case hosts Best Kendall Moment (tie between Kendall/TikTok CEO). |
| 1:57:17 | 2:11:31 | The Jo Rogen Experience: Joe Rogan Experience Year-in-Review | Parody Joe Rogan reflects on 2023, discusses shaved-ice diet, internal itch mantras, Jamie’s kiddie-pool wire entanglement, and the Rock buying the XFL. |
| 2:11:31 | 2:40:14 | Munch & Crum: Clementine Hosts Best Conspiracy & Munch Hosts Best B-roll Audience Member | Clementine Verne presents Best Conspiracy (Jeremy Renner Snowplow Conspiracy wins, accepted by Renner’s ‘nephew’); Munch presents Best B-roll Audience Member (Pepito wins). |
| 2:40:14 | 2:58:19 | News: Best Shop LC Moment & Best Host of Munch & Crum | Munch presents Best Shop LC Moment (SDSO Basecamp wins, accepted by a lieutenant); Best Host of Munch & Crum poll erupts in controversy — Munch declares victory after alleged poll manipulation. |
| 2:58:19 | 3:23:59 | News: Best Host of the Network & Pepito Lifetime Achievement Award | Multi-poll tournament crowns Case Blackwell Best Host of the Network; Case surprises Pepito with Lifetime Achievement Award and a voice memo from Fiona. |
| 3:23:59 | 3:43:47 | DJ Newsic: DJ Newsic / Goblin Pisa Hut Rap Finale & Raid | DJ Newsic hands off to Goblin Pisa Hut (Gio Borglain) for an extended freestyle rap; Case reverts from ‘Grunt’ persona and raids Jim Tasty. |
Characters
- Case Blackwell (speaking) — anchor. Hosts red carpet and main desk; runs award polls; wins Best Host of the Network; presents Pepito’s Lifetime Achievement Award.
- Munch (Ralph Munchcut) (speaking) — debate analyst. Hosts main award show segments; roasts Crum relentlessly; wins Best Host of Munch & Crum after disputing poll results.
- Crum (Leonard Crum) (speaking) — debate analyst. Target of Munch’s sustained verbal assault; appears in crowd; referenced in gambling/face-punch lore.
- Pepito (speaking) — executive producer. Wins Best B-roll Audience Member and Lifetime Achievement Award; receives voice memo from owner Fiona.
- Trip Bradstein (speaking) — field correspondent. Conducts red-carpet interviews from the street; interacts with parade of bit characters.
- Liliana (speaking) — desk partner. Co-hosts red carpet with Case; wins first poll in Best Host of the Network tournament.
- Jeff Ripple (speaking) — correspondent. Briefly joins Case on red carpet; reads chat reactions.
- Kendelle (speaking) — in-studio contributor. Wins Best Guest on BIN and Best Kendall Moment (tie); appears backstage and in shower during finale.
- Peter Gibbon (speaking) — news stowaway. Appears uninvited on red carpet; claims he ‘watered straight up to the desk.’
- Chet (Chet Manscape) (speaking) — science correspondent. Wins second poll in Best Host of the Network tournament; referenced as ‘Chet’ and ‘Science Eyes.’
- DJ Newsic (speaking) — musical finale host. Closes the broadcast with auto-tuned rap; hands off to Goblin Pisa Hut.
- Hype Train (speaking) — hype announcer. Briefly appears during host tournament; claims ‘Best Train’ award.
- Clementine (speaking) — correspondent. Hosts Best G4TV Employee and Best Conspiracy awards; delivers anti-media rant.
- Goblin Pisa Hut (Gio Borglain) (speaking) — former mayor / recurring character. Delivers extended freestyle rap finale; reveals chin augmentation; references ‘Pisa Hut spirit.‘
Storyline updates
- Crum Dick Punch [30:00]: [30:00] Munch renews ‘Crum Face Punch’ rhetoric during award show monologue: ‘Nothing is difficult as looking at crumb’s ugly fucking face… I wish he was dead.’
- Crum Face Punch [1:54:08]: [1:54:08] Munch mocks Crum’s ‘blood age of about 100’ while accepting Best B-roll award; Crum visibly reacts in crowd.
- Beyblade Tournament [3:11:16]: [3:11:16] Case mentions ‘Beyblade Tournament’ as a pending community pledge while setting up final host polls.
Lore notes
- 3:23:59 Pepito: Receives Lifetime Achievement Award; Fiona sends voice memo confirming she will pick him up and calling him ‘my dog.’
- 3:33:26 Goblin Pisa Hut: Has undergone chin augmentation (‘went a little Zac Efron with it’); claims to be a century old.
- 17:36 Duncan Dozenuts Financial: Official sponsor of the 2023 Barely Awards; arena naming rights holder.
- 42:52 CV Loves You (Tam Tran): Principal underwriter of the award show; gifts large sub bundles throughout.
- 3:20:52 Case Blackwell: Wins Best Host of the Network via multi-poll tournament; admits ‘you start a news network to win an award… you make an award show and give it to yourself.‘
Transcript
Full timestamped transcript: