Resigned to the NEWS (2026-03-17)
- Broadcast Date: 2026-03-17
- YouTube Archive: Resigned to the NEWS (ID:
NAGMRCh1EOc) - Approx length: 2:11:37
- Ingest run:
tools/runs/NAGMRCh1EOc/
Overview
St. Patrick’s Day broadcast opens with Pepito’s Irish-themed sign-on before Case and Chet cover National Counterterrorism Center director Joe Kent’s resignation over the Iran war. Trip Bradstein’s park segment descends into sexual chaos, AI Rooney suffers a prolonged foot-fetish glitch despite claimed fixes, and Munch & Crum’s battle rap collapses under Crum’s existential dread over the pending gorilla dick punch — prompting Case to ban rapping forever. Peter Gibbon emerges from the walls eating munitions to close the extra Monday stream.
Segment rundown
| Start | End | Segment | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| 00:00 | 23:46 | News: St. Patrick’s Day Cold Open & Sign-On | Pepito delivers the station sign-on as ‘Papito’ in full Irish persona; Hype Train in refractory period; Case and Pepito debate Irish stereotypes, green attire, and historical myths while thanking subscribers. |
| 23:46 | 48:20 | News: Joe Kent Resigns Over Iran War | Case and Chet cover National Counterterrorism Center director Joe Kent’s resignation letter stating Iran posed no imminent threat; White House pushes back citing Trump’s ‘gut feeling’; discussion of Tulsi Gabbard’s silence and intelligence assessments. |
| 48:20 | 1:07:08 | News: Time-Traveling Trump Sketches & Texas Fracker Escort Story | Case reads 100-year-old Charles Delch sketches allegedly depicting Trump and Barron; transitions to a western Texas fracker’s podcast-to-sex-work pipeline story; Chet reads the headline repeatedly at Case’s request. |
| 1:07:08 | 1:33:30 | Trip on the Street: Park Interviews: Cum Man, Security Guy, Irish Cat, Mountain Man Mike | Trip Bradstein fields a parade of park denizens including a self-proclaimed ‘cum man,’ a resigned national security official (Rob Elvie), a pool cleaner named John Smith, a park ranger fearing for his ‘dong song,’ an Irish cat, Mountain Man Mike, and a face-shifting regular. |
| 1:33:30 | 1:54:41 | AI Rooney: AI Rooney Malfunctions: Foot Fetish Ghost in the Machine | AI Rooney runs on extreme delay; chat votes ‘No luck of the Irish’ as cause; Rooney outputs repeated foot-fetish rants despite Case claiming he removed the ‘foot thing’ from the personality matrix; segment cut short after 15 opinions. |
| 1:54:41 | 2:06:26 | Munch & Crum: Battle Rap: Does Crum Deserve to Live? | Debate prompt: ‘Do the people want to see Crum die again?’ Crum spirals over pending gorilla dick punch, claims super strength from pulling a door off hinges; Munch and Crum trade verses; Crum’s abortion/pro-life confusion derails flow; rapping banned permanently by Case. |
| 2:06:26 | 2:11:37 | News: Peter Gibbon Wall Emergence & Sign-Off | Peter Gibbon crawls out bringing ‘wall energy’; claims he eats munitions (drones and missiles); Case ends extra Monday stream, wishes Ricky P. Cochia happy St. Patrick’s Day; raid imminent. |
Characters
- Pepito (speaking) — executive producer. Delivered St. Patrick’s Day sign-on as ‘Papito,’ managed Irish-themed cold open and subscriber thank-yous.
- Case Blackwell (speaking) — Anchored news desk with Chet, hosted Trip on the Street and AI Rooney handoffs, banned rapping after Crum’s meltdown.
- Chet (Chet Manscape) (speaking) — science correspondent. Co-anchored news desk, read Joe Kent resignation story, repeatedly read Texas fracker headline, interacted with AI Rooney foot-fetish glitch.
- Crum (Leonard Crum) (speaking) — debate analyst. Spiraled over pending gorilla dick punch, claimed super strength from door-hinge feat, failed battle rap, triggered permanent rap ban.
- Munch (Ralph Munchcut) (speaking) — debate analyst. Pushed Crum on dick-punch stakes, traded battle verses, called Crum a ‘mashed potato essence.’
- Trip Bradstein (speaking) — field correspondent. Conducted chaotic park interviews with cum man, fake security guy, pool cleaner, park ranger, Irish cat, Mountain Man Mike.
- AI Rooney (speaking) — cyborg commentator. Ran on severe delay, ignored prompts to output repeated foot-fetish rants despite claimed personality matrix removal.
- Peter Gibbon (speaking) — news stowaway. Emerged from wall at close, claimed to eat munitions (drones and missiles), brought ‘wall energy’ to sign-off.
- Hype Train (speaking) — hype announcer. Referenced as in ‘refractory period’ and ghost-type; did not fully appear.
Storyline updates
- Crum Dick Punch [1:55:16]: [1:55:16] Crum references pending gorilla dick punch: ‘if people want me dead, I have to get punched in the dick by gorilla’; claims he pulled studio door off hinges with super strength [1:56:30]; Munch says chat wants Crum to die again [1:59:10].
- Crum Face Punch [1:57:55]: [1:57:55] Crum says ‘I don’t want to die again’ referencing prior face-punch death; Munch references hell rescue: ‘I went to hell to save your remordous soul’ [2:00:45].
Lore notes
- [1:56:30] Crum (Leonard Crum): Claims he pulled the main studio door off its hinges today with ‘untold super strength’ [1:56:30].
- [46:52] Crum (Leonard Crum): Wearing yellow ‘piss jacket’ to protest the removal of snakes from Ireland [46:52].
- [1:46:02] AI Rooney: Foot-fetish personality matrix supposedly removed by Case but keeps reappearing as a ‘ghost in the machine’ [1:46:02].
- [2:09:16] Peter Gibbon: Claims to eat munitions for sustenance: ‘cheap drone and a bunch of multi-million dollar missiles’ [2:09:16].
- [2:05:18] Case Blackwell: Bans rapping permanently on the network after Crum’s battle rap failure [2:05:18].
- [2:09:37] Barely Informed News: This is an extra Monday stream; regular Monday streams paused due to workload [2:09:37].
Transcript
Full timestamped transcript: