Biden Says Things, X-Men Mansion For Rent, Armpit Balls, it’s NEWZ (news) (2024-05-02)
- Broadcast Date: 2024-05-02
- YouTube Archive: Biden Says Things, X-Men Mansion For Rent, Armpit Balls, it’s NEWZ (news) (ID:
9wnqHcUCbY8) - Approx length: 2:04:02
- Ingest run:
tools/runs/9wnqHcUCbY8/
Overview
Barely Informed News opened with a Hype Train freestyle powered by lies and subscriber goals before Case Blackwell anchored a Biden press conference review alongside surprise guest Sammy Seven Elbows, who identified the president as his childhood ‘Night Man.’ Munch and Crum debated violence versus non-violence until Crum’s violent shaking upset his stomach and drew a commissioner’s fine. Chet Manscape then hijacked the broadcast for a viral video tour featuring fireworks, gunpoint car deals, knee-locking injuries, and a trout-chugging Nashville woman. The Jo Rogen Experience covered Marvel custody battles, the Noid’s pizza theft ring, and the Hamburglar’s Jamba Juice fraud. Dr. Chath’s therapy session with Pepito revealed six years in the White House, the existence of the ‘doid,’ cohabitation with Richard Gere, and boneless GMO physiology. DJ Newsic closed with a sensual armpit rice ball anthem before raiding to Kassem G.
Segment rundown
| Start | End | Segment | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| 00:35 | 10:12 | Hype Train: Hype Train Cold Open: Night Train Powered by Lies and Subs | Pepito delivers the countdown; Hype Train commandeers the broadcast for a freestyle rap cycle powered by coal, dreams, subscriber goals, and admitted lies, thanking five community subs and multiple bit donors before signing off. |
| 10:12 | 33:13 | News: Biden Press Conference and the Night Man Haunting | Case Blackwell anchors coverage of Biden’s campus protest address; introduces surprise guest Sammy Six Elbows (renamed Sammy Seven Elbows), who claims Biden resembles the ‘Night Man’ who has haunted his bedside since age 10 and advocates roughing up college campuses. |
| 33:13 | 44:36 | Munch & Crum: Violence vs. Non-Violence: Crum Fined for Tummy Distress | Munch argues for innate human violence; Crum advocates non-violence but suffers violent shaking that upsets his stomach; Case fines Crum as league commissioner for the on-air medical incident. |
| 46:02 | 1:14:31 | Chet Guy the Science Eyes: Chet Uses the Internet: Fireworks, Fish, and Chin Gravity | Chet Manscape hijacks the broadcast to browse viral clips — Bollywood fireworks, car negotiation at gunpoint, knee-locking football camp, bouncy castle Lion King tragedy, hot dog night flirtation, horse vaping, goose baseball invasion, trout-chugging Nashville woman — while expounding on his chin’s gravitational pull. |
| 1:14:31 | 1:40:04 | The Jo Rogen Experience: Joe Rogan on Marvel, the Noid, and the Void | Joe Rogan and Jamie discuss Jamie’s $10M fondue/Ron-do confusion, Marvel movie visitation rights, the bear-or-woman woods dilemma, the 16-year Noid pizza theft that yielded Jamie as firstborn, and the Hamburglar’s Jamba Juice scam against Sarah Silverman. |
| 1:40:04 | 1:52:42 | Therapy: Pepito Therapy: White House Tenure, the Doid, and Richard Gere | Dr. Chath counsels Pepito, who reveals six years in the White House, the existence of the ‘doid’ (dog Noid), a stint inside Richard Gere listening to a Beatles cover band, and his boneless GMO physiology before chasing a phantom tennis ball. |
| 1:52:42 | 2:04:02 | DJ Newsic: DJ Newsic Rooftop Finale: Armpit Rice Ball Sensual R&B | DJ Newsic performs an auto-tuned sensual R&B track about rice balls rubbed in armpits increasing value tenfold, featuring a talking rice ball guest verse, before raiding to Kassem G. |
Characters
- Case Blackwell (speaking) — Anchored the broadcast, managed a surprise guest who claimed Biden haunts his bedroom, and fined Crum for on-air tummy distress.
- Pepito (speaking) — executive producer. Delivered the cold-open countdown, ate a cell phone and a bag of Sweet Tarts, and underwent a revelatory therapy session.
- Hype Train (speaking) — musical interruption. Opened the show with a freestyle rap cycle powered by lies, coal, dreams, and subscriber goals, thanking five community subs.
- Sammy Seven Elbows (speaking) — guest commentator. Debuted as Sammy Six Elbows, claimed Biden is his childhood ‘Night Man,’ advocated campus danger, and fed Pepito Sweet Tarts.
- Munch (speaking) — debate analyst. Argued that violence is innate and cool, goaded Crum into a shaking fit, and mocked Crum’s tummy issues.
- Crum (speaking) — debate analyst. Advocated non-violence while violently shaking, upsetting his stomach and earning a commissioner’s fine from Case.
- Joe Rogan (speaking) — Jo Rogen Experience host. Discussed Marvel visitation rights, the Noid’s 16-year pizza theft, the void, and the Hamburglar’s Jamba Juice crimes.
- Jamie (speaking) — Jo Rogen producer. Confused fondue with his assistant Ron, ordered Ron to perform a ‘cream apocalypse,’ and narrowly avoided a Marvel whistle trigger.
- Dr. Chath (speaking) — therapist. Conducted a session with Pepito that uncovered White House residency, the doid, Richard Gere cohabitation, and boneless GMO status.
- DJ Newsic (speaking) — musical finale host. Closed the broadcast with a sensual R&B track about armpit-rubbed rice balls and a talking rice ball feature.
Storyline updates
- No specific storyline updates recorded
Lore notes
- 02:20 Pepito: Ate a cell phone offered by a street vendor who sold phones at half price.
- 31:02 Pepito: Consumed a full bag of Sweet Tarts gifted by Sammy Seven Elbows.
- 50:11 Chet: Claims his chin generates its own gravitational field, dubbed the ‘chevel’.
- 1:43:40 Pepito: Lived in the White House for six years.
- 1:45:24 Pepito: Identifies the ‘doid’ as the canine equivalent of the Noid.
- 1:49:32 Pepito: Spent time inside Richard Gere with 50 others listening to a Beatles cover band.
- 1:50:14 Pepito: States he is boneless and ‘raised GMO’.
Transcript
Full timestamped transcript: